Getting married may have come easy for you but keeping your marriage sizzling is going to require some effort from you and your spouse. To keep things together, you’ll need a well-rounded good attitude that comes through strategic personal growth.
Here are some helpful tips for a heathy marriage relationship – you can thank me later:
1. Stop competing with each other! Your spouse is not your opponent, never relate to him/her as one. Good relationships are all about being on the same side. What's the purpose in scoring all those points? Sure, you may cross the finish line first today, and maybe tomorrow as well. But crossing the finish line first and having no one to celebrate your winning with makes little or no sense. As a couple, you play the game of life together and either win or lose together. So stop competing, stop player-hating and start concentrating on crossing that finish line as part of a winning team.
2. Communicate, communicate and communicate some more! Communication fosters trust and connection in marital relationships. Communicating effectively is an art that can be mastered, it won’t automatically come with age. Be clear and respectful in your communication. Learn to listen to the other person, don’t try to dominate the conversation. Avoid negative communication like yelling and sarcasm, it never helps matters. Oh, never weaponise silence. Talk about big stuff, small stuff and all things in between. Share plans and pains and engage with what the other person is saying. Never go to bed mad. Understand that conflicts can be resolved if handled appropriately. Contrary to what many people think, saying ‘sorry’ doesn’t kill. Instead, it can make alive. Excel in communication and your relationship is halfway home!
3. Kill selfishness before it kills the relationship! A selfish spouse can become a toxic spouse. Selfish people are self-centered, putting puts their needs above that of others. A selfish spouse would not be bothered about the impact of his/her actions on the other person or the relationship as long as it profits him/her. A selfish spouse will trivialise the emotional needs and wellbeing of their spouse. A selfish spouse can be manipulative and even abusive. A selfish spouse will leave the other person emotionally drained. Selfishness does to a marriage what cancer does to the body. It eats it away slowly. Selfishness goes against everything that a marriage represents, that’s why you mustn’t let it ruin your union.
4. Look after yourself every day! The relationship you have with yourself is very important and can hugely impact on your relationship with others (including your spouse). Take care of your body, mind and spirit every single day. Once in a while, take a break from the hustle and bustle of life and rest. Try to get enough sleep. Be conscious of your diet. Engage in as much physical activity as possible. More importantly, work on your self-esteem. Believe the best about yourself. Don’t look down on yourself and you’ll make it much harder for anyone else to do. See yourself through God’s lens and you’ll see an accurate version of yourself. Value yourself and believe that you’re enough. Let your self-confidence show in the way you carry yourself. Take care of yourself and you’ll be in a better position to take care of the people and things you care about.
5. Don’t compare your spouse/marriage with any person/marriage out there! It’s like comparing apple with pear. It lands you in pain, dissatisfaction and resentment. and despair and makes you look down on the uniqueness of your marriage and spouse. It undermines trust and mutual respect which are essential ingredients of a healthy relationship. Instead of comparing your spouse to someone else, focus on his/her strengths rather than weakness. Understand that the best of us isn’t perfect. Rather than looking at other couples, let your focus be on building a solid relationship with your spouse. Set goals together and work towards them as a team. Don’t forget to celebrate your uniqueness. Be careful with your social media engagement. Like William Shakespeare said, “all that glitters is not gold.” It’s wise to dissociate from accounts that make you feel inadequate.
6. Romantic gestures work wonders! You just can't beat it. It’s the little things you do for your spouse daily that shows how much you care. A romantic gesture says: "At this moment, I am thinking 100% of you, and your needs, and I want to do everything I can to please you." Affectionate gestures can melt the heart. There are so many things you can do for your spouse. From serving delicious breakfast in bed to giving him/her full body massage, genuine display of affection publicly, buying something he/she always wanted on an ordinary day, planning a road trip together (without the kids!), giving flowers/chocolates, supporting him/her when required - the list is endless. Romantic gestures strengthen your emotional connection to each other, reduces tension in the marriage and helps keep the spark alive in your union. While at it, don’t neglect the place of sexual intimacy - nothing else can cover for what it does to a marriage. So, become a Master of Romance. It'll spice up your marriage!
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